Blonde thoughts

I’m doing my hair again. Just sorting out my roots (I hope – I think I bought the wrong grade of lightener) and then it’s onto the red at long last. I hope it works this time. I haven’t enjoyed being a blondie.

It is really interesting watching how people react to hair colour. Right now I am the largest I have been in my life so I often wear tunic tops, leggings and dresses to cover problem areas. Or DH’s shirts work well too. Oh and it’s all black. So let’s just say I don’t wear the sexiest of outfits. Right now I am comfier when I hide which suits me fine.

So I’m amazed at the amount of attention I receive. I was out with the dog and the daughter the other day, waiting to cross a busy road. I’m not kidding – every third car stared. Mostly men, some women. I don’t think it’s even a sexual thing – just for some reason blondes get gawked at.

It’s not something I enjoy. I am not an attention seeker. I want to slope off into the shadows and work behind the scenes, not be out front grabbing the limelight. I don’t want to be noticed. I get a very physical reaction when I am given attention by anyone not of my immediate circle of DH, my baby and my dog. And it’s not a good reaction.

I’m going for fire engine red right now so perhaps I am making problems for myself. But I resent that something I am doing for me is then used to judge me and somehow people feel they have the right to stare. Or make comments, normally suggestive ones. Fortunately my Dutch is so bad so I’d say more – but fuck off seems to be universally understood at least.

How do you blondes manage it? The constant invasion of your privacy? It drives me mad and puts my paranoia through the roof. It’s made me a bit ill. And goodness it’s high maintenance. In order to look remotely presentable I am full on make up and straighteners every time I’m outside. And I can’t manage that always of course. Which then makes me feel like rubbish for not trying.

I’m really not attention seeking with my hair. I just love the different colours. For me. Not because I’m looking to get laid by a bunch of randoms. Or because I think it’s cool to look different. Or some other bullshit reason.

Can you tell my mother is coming to town tomorrow? What possessed me to ask people along to my daughter’s first birthday in a couple of days? DH and I should have found a cave a very long long way away to celebrate with her.

But that aside, my feelings on being blonde still stand as valid. Particularly when it distracts me from stuff I would rather not think about.

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