Or it will be when the in laws vacate their apartment to go to this big family party. Not long to go. DH has already left to attend it and see all his cousins, with daughter in tow.
What should I do with myself? I have tidied up and done all the laundry, went round the shops already and poochie has had a walk. I find I have a few hours of spare time ON MY OWN for the first time since, really since before I gave birth.
And I am not quite sure what to do with myself. This spare time is weighing heavily on me.
I feel bad because it was a big family party and I should have gone. I know I am not well right now but still, I know DH would have liked it if I were there even though he went specifically with the intention to give me a break.
I shall tell you what I want to do. And then I will report back and see if I ended up doing any of it.
1. Move the Xbox into the living room so I can upload Dragon Age: Origins and Dragon Age 2 into my Keep. And then, at long last, I can have the Inquisition exactly the way I want it. I stopped midway through to replay both of the earlier games as the story just wasn’t right otherwise and it was upsetting me. The old games were on our old Xbox which is now somewhere in Xbox heaven. Then set everything up so I can game later.
2. Get a shower. I like being clean and showering every day but it has been such an effort recently. It’s also tied in with…
3. Do my hair. Which requires me to bleach my roots and then attack the whole thing again with Directons Vermillion Red. I couldn’t afford Manic Panic this time round so I hope this works. Let’s hope it doesn’t go pink again. I am fed up of being blonde. I don’t suit it and that was never the intention. So back to trying to do nice things for myself like enjoy my hair colour.
4. Snuggle in bed with the pooch and start losing myself in Dragon Age: Inquisition. I’m a huge fan of RPGs and especially fantasy. And this game for me is the ultimate experience. Bring on my love affair with Cullen hehe. I’m a sucker for a good old-fashioned love story. It’s like my favourite historical romance rolled up in the best fantasy story and the closest I’ll ever get to living it out.
I want to skip 3. Actually I want to skip all of it and just get into bed and not move. Everything is such a monumental effort at the moment. And I am sucky in the afternoon so that doesn’t help. But I did stand there and look at the washing up – only a few things – and have a panic attack at the thought of doing it. I had to go and lie down rather than clear up. The thought of putting a sponge in my hand seemed like a step too far.
When did such simple things become such hard work? I was thinking that living with a mental illness is like doing laundry. It is something you have to plough through, something you really want to avoid doing and it seems never ending.
So with that cheery attitude, let’s see how I get on! I know I will feel better once I have done my hair. I just need to do it. Fingers crossed 🙂
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